Lavaredo UTMB 120K DNF: Or “How to self-sabotage an Ultra race effectively”

I can’t call what happened “bad luck”. I can’t say I was unprepared not fit enough. The weather was fantastic, I had no injuries. What’s more. my son really wanted me to finish this race. Most importantly, I really, really wanted to do this. But, I DNF’d for the first time ever. And it’s totally my fault. Lavaredo 120 (“by UTMB” now) is a 100M category race, which implies that it’s a bit more difficult than a regular 100K. Still, I don’t think it was overly hard for me.

Enough ranting. Now, let me tell you what happened.

Before the race: I had reasons to be fearful, but I was not. Since I was living in Manila at that time, I’ve had zero chance to accumulate some elevation during my training. I tried to compensate for this by putting in longer volumes on flat. I’ve had a very consistent buildup with more than 20 30K long runs, and I’ve completed 8 Saturday-Sunday back to back long runs during weekends. For the first time in my life, I’ve included stretching (once a week) and basic strength training in my program (also once a week). My weight was 77kgs, 2 kgs less than my usual. I was in pretty good shape.

I never worried about not finishing. My only concern was to run under 26 hours. Call it arrogance. With that arrogant state of mind, I arrived in Venice a few days before the race and did all the touristy stuff. Long walks, dinners with a bit too much wine, not much sleep. Happy wife, happy life.  If you’ve never been to Venice, I highly recommend that you go see Venice – after the race. 

The day before the race: 50K took start one day before. The weather was a bit on the chilly side but we loved it. You miss rain and cold if you spend a few years in a tropical country. Mountains were absolutely stunning. If you took a flight from, say Indonesia, took all the trouble to come here just the see this view, its very well worth it. 🙂

The day before the race is always a bit hectic. We’ve been to the race fair, got our bag, BIB etc, grabbed a pizza and kept driving around all day. The evening was not ideal. 4 hours of sleep(expected routine), two glasses of wine(mistake), 2 sauna sessions at the hotel(spontaneous mistake but I paid for the damn thing I wanted to use the facilities). I probably started the race a bit hydrated. For the first time in my life, I took a dip in an ice-pool too.

Start: By far the most memorable moment of the entire experience. Magnificent! For some people, running might be just running. But as I was waiting for the gun with hundreds of fellow runners, I really felt happy to be there. Unless you’re made of stone, all hairs on your neck will stand up!

I’ve never had a start at 23:00 before so I was somewhat sleepy.

Hospitale, 18.6 KM, +833 m :Very, very crowded start with lots of waiting in the early climbs. Things got better after 5k. CP was packed with runners desperately trying to grab something to drink. Not a pleasant experience. Still, being very early in the race, not many people complained. I hate crowded spaces, so I just had half a banana and quickly left the CP.

Passo Tre Croci, 27.9 Km, +1494 m: Lots of ups and downs. It was not easy to keep up with the pack. My original plan was to start slowly and just walk until daybreak, but single track forced me to follow the crowd. A few runners tripped and fell quite hard. Most runners were still not using their poles, everybody was still very excited. I don’t remember drinking regularly or eating anything in between. Second CP was still looked like a train station at rush hour. Finding something to eat was possible was required lots of acrobatic manoeuvrers. I opted for a regular size Snickers. Then hit the road again.

Misurina, 42.5 Km, 2139 m: As we rolled down to Federavecchia, runner started to space out. Daybreak was truly beautiful.  Physically, I was still feeling strong. The climb leading to Misurina was not particularly challenging. But things started to change as soon as reached the CP. I was feeling very, very cold. If only I could have a good cup of coffee there and then, things could have been different. Maybe I should rethink my expectations about CP’s. No race organisation can offer a five-star experience in every CP, but still, it could have been far better. My only learning is to be more prepared and self-reliant next time.

I promised myself to not to complain, put on my dry layer, gloves, hat and hardshell on. It was freezing cold. Or maybe I was very hungry. I still don’t know. I ate a Cliff bar and marched on. 

Forcella Lavaredo, 52.4Km, +2901m: By far, one of the most beautiful trails I’ve ever been. Worth being there regardless of what they offer in CP’s😊 Until I reached the three big thingies, I still felt chilly to the bones, but the whole experience was so exhilarating I did not mind. Once you get the other side of the mountain, the vista expands, and you see almost all the way to the next CP. I took a few pictures, called my wife to check how they are doing back at the hotel.

At this point in the race, I realised that I was not eating and drinking enough. Physically, I was doing ok. Now is the time to be careful, I though. Slow down. Eat more. Force yourself to drink a bit more. It’ll pay off. With that in mind, I stared running with a sustainable pace, careful to not to overexert myself.

Cimabanche, 67.4 Km, +3038m: With negligible elevation gain and a rather runnable terrain, this is the easiest segment. Lots of people on mountain bikes, casual hikers, a very peaceful forest, and the river. Now the problem was heat. I used up all my water 7-8 km before reaching Cimabanche, which turned last few kilometres into a lesson in fluid management. Hungry and dehydrated, I finally reached to the CP but I was no longer feeling well. A nagging nausea began creeping in. Normally, I can eat just about anything but the smell of food in this CP forced me to leave the tent as soon as possible. Very subjective, I know. But this is what I felt.  Luckily, I had my drop-bag there. After downing a 500 ml energy drink and a cliff bar, I started walking again. I knew I had to eat more and but no, I didn’t. Next CP, I thought, I will spend 30 mins, eat a lot and recuperate. Now, in retrospect, I think this is the decision which screwed me up.

Malga Ra Stua, 77 Km, +3571m: That climb was a bit challenging, but still not crazy difficult. Energy drink helped a lot. I don’t remember all that, but I did not have any issues. Just impatience. I began to feel super hungry and started craving something hot but not sweet. The only non-sweet thing I had was a small pack of salty pretzels, which I failed to eat.

Once I was in CP, I headed straight to the food. Do you have any moments where you know exactly what you need to do but somehow can’t bring yourself to act? There as some plain pasta, a few energy bars, some fruits, and that was it. Using the last bits of my willpower, I forced down a few morsels of pasta, which tasted like plastic mixed with dead jellyfish. Determined to take in at least 700-800 calories, I tried some energy bars but ended up spitting all of it.  No coffee. If only I had some coffee. I remember my hand shaking in anger like this Hitler character in the Fall movie.  Stupid, I know. No coffee. Next time I will carry my own coffee machine or run with a fellow barista.

I realised, with mild terror, that I still had 40+ Km’s to go, running on fumes and probably in dark.  My wife and son would meet me at the next CP and I did not want her to drive at night. So I decided to push on a bit faster, which was another mistake. 

Col Gallina, 97.5 Km, +4868m: The stretch between Malga Ra Stua and Col Gallina was never-ending. There’s only one CP with water in between. When I reached Malga Travenanzes, I realised that I still had one of my water flasks untouched. I tried to drink the cold, cold freshwater there but somehow my stomach was not accepting anything anymore. Things deteriorated very quickly just a few kilometres before reaching Col Gallina. I had nothing physically disturbing me – no cramps, no blisters, not focused pain of any sort. Just a persistent feeling of being unwell and increasingly more frequent bouts of nausea.

When Aybike looked at my face at Col Gallina she immediately told me that I should quit. I don’t have a picture but probably I was looking like Sponge Bob after partying all night at the Goofy Guber’s. At first, I said no, I will try to eat something, and I am sure I will feel better afterwards. So I cracked a few jokes, convinced her to go back to the car and headed for CP tent. I filled my flasks, tried to drink a little and then came the moment of truth. I took out my third and last Snicker. If, I thought, I can somehow eat this, then I should be fine.

But no. I just could not take a single bite of anything.

I’ve read maybe one hundred times that the difficulty of ultras requires mental strength. In that moment I really understood what that really means.

I looked at the runners heading up to the final checkpoint, putting on their headlamps, disappearing into the woods. I remember feeling very, very tired, and fearing the cold of the forest.

Barely feeling the tip of my fingers, I took out my phone and called my wife. Please turn around and come back here.

I quit.

So, what did I learn?

• My self perception changed. In my head, I’m no longer an “experienced runner” but rather “a stupid beginner who has a lot to unlearn”
• Everyone can DNF. Because our dear sport is brutal. Races are long, difficult and anything can get wrong. And it’s a part of the game 🙂
• Running ultra’s is a very, very expensive way to learn about your weaknesses, mentally and physically. Alternatively, you could mediate, see a shrink, ask your beloved- but the lesson’s you’ll learn will never sink as deep.
• Failure teaches more than success. But it makes you feel bad too. Darn…
• Racing is harder than training. A 30K race will always be harder because of stress, logistics, unknown environment etc. There’s an element of unpredictability at every step, like the disgusting protein bar you get at the CP or the unexpectedly good wine you bump into two days before the race.
• Fatigue is not linear. It comes and goes. Sometimes you feel a rush of energy which seems to appear out of nowhere, sometimes it hits you hard suddenly for no apparent reason. I should learn to live through those phases, knowing that I will have a few unexpected pangs of pain or fatigue or both in every race and prepare mentally to deal with it.
• In my next training cycle, I’ll focus more on strength, volume and recovery – not speed or racing weight.
• I must learn race nutrition. Next time, I’ll have coffee flasks in my drop bag, prepare and carry all that I need to eat beforehand. Expecting to complete a race of this magnitude on a few biscuits is unreasonable and unhealthy.
• I will be back. Not because I want to “win” this time. Because I don’t think we’ve had enough time to see enough. Next time I’ll plan for more time in Lavaredo, see the parks, go to trekking or backpacking or just fool around. It’s a beautiful, beautiful place 🙂